Marriage advice from an Elder in the LDS Church

This excellent advice was given by Elder L. Whitney Clayton during the Sunday morning session of General Conference:

With the directive to "watch and learn," Elder L. Whitney Clayton of the Seventy shared five principles he has learned from examples of faithful marriages.

1. Treasure. "I have observed that in the happiest marriages both the husband and wife consider their relationship to be a pearl beyond price, a treasure of infinite worth. … They know that no other relationship of any kind can bring as much joy, generate as much good or produce as much personal refinement," he said. "Watch and learn: the best marriage partners regard their marriages as priceless. 

2. Faith. He said successful eternal marriages are built on a foundation of faith in Jesus Christ and His teachings. Husbands and wives share a "mutual quest" to be obedient and good. "They do not consider the commandments to be a buffet from which they can pick and choose only the most appealing offerings," he said.
Explaining that faith strengthens marriage and faith grows as individuals keep the commandments, Elder Clayton declared, "Thus keeping the commandments is fundamental to establishing strong eternal marriages. Watch and learn: faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is the foundation of happy eternal marriages.

Intellectual Reserve, Inc.

Elder L. Whitney Clayton

 

 3. Repentance. Elder Clayton said repentance is tied to humility. "Repentance helps restore and maintain harmony and peace" while humility "means that both husbands and wives seek to bless, help and lift each other, putting the other first in every decision. Watch and learn: repentance and humility build happy marriages."

4. Respect. He said this comes as husbands and wives "treat each other as equal partners" and "make decisions unanimously." Elder Clayton said husbands and wives "never do or say anything that approaches the appearance of impropriety, either virtually or physically. Watch and learn: terrific marriages are completely respectful, transparent and loyal."

5. Love. "The happiest marriages I have seen radiate obedience to one of the happiest commandments — that we 'live together in love,' (Doctrine and Covenants 42:45). … Watch and learn: successful couples love each other with complete devotion."

Intellectual Reserve, Inc.

Elder L. Whitney Clayton

To those who are single, divorced, single parents or for various reasons are not in a position to marry, Elder Clayton counseled, "Seek after the ideal of forming an eternal marriage, including by striving or preparing to be a worthy spouse. … One day every promised blessing concerning marriage will be yours."

In conclusion, Elder Clayton said, "Marriage is a gift from God to us; the quality of our marriages is a gift from us to Him."
 

Katie here again:  this is a brief outline of his talk, and I look forward to reading the whole thing when it is published online in a couple of days.

Five tips for a strong marriage

I subscribe to a blog called The Simple Dollar. Every week or so the author takes readers' questions on any subject. I really liked his answer to this question as I think his ideas are key ingredients to my own happy marriage.

Q: You and your wife seem to have a very strong marriage. Can you give me some tips on how to keep my marriage strong? What do you do to keep it that way?- Sally

Here are five things I make a conscious effort to do that seem to help our marriage stay strong.

• I tell my wife I love her every single day. I usually do it in the morning before she leaves the bedroom, and on weekdays I’ll also tell her when I see her in the evening for the first time. I usually couple it with a kiss. It’s so simple, but it’s a constant reminder of the fact that I do love her, no matter what.
• I ask about her day, listen, and ask follow up questions. I do this not only so I can keep tabs on her professional life, but also to give her a great chance to vent about her situation. Everyone needs to talk about themselves sometimes to someone who is interested - I try to provide that for her as often as I can.
• I try to surprise her on a regular basis. I’ll spend an hour preparing a really excellent supper when she doesn’t expect it. I’ll spontaneously give the kids a bath when she’s comfortable on the couch under a blanket, even if it’s her turn. Doing these little unexpected things not only shows her I care, but also often compels her to do similar things for me.
• I hold her hand. I do this all the time, whenever it crosses my mind and seems appropriate. I’ll just hold her hand gently while we’re talking or we’re riding in the car or we’re waiting for an appointment or we’re sitting on the couch in the evenings.
• I talk about EVERYTHING with her and let her determine what’s interesting. If something is concerning me, I don’t hide it from her. I tell her about it. Most of the time she’s interested and we’ll discuss it - sometimes she’s not and I let it drop (this is key - if she’s not into the topic, I don’t push it). Either way, though, she gets the message that I’m making an effort to share and be open.